Further Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle
by Fiona Fargazer
Summary: sequel to the movie. FL, Boris and Natasha escape from the internet. Rocky and Bullwinkle are trapped working for a hypocritical cartoon studio before escaping only to be brought back to the real world to stop the villains-If only they could find them!
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

You have heard the saying: nothing lasts forever. In an ever changing world this is only more than half true. When you suck on your Popsicle there's eventually nothing left to suck. When you watch your favorite show it eventually comes off air. You know that "Happily Ever After" only lasts until the next Disney sequel (or maybe even the next Dream Works sequel). There is often a melancholy about such things such as when a child takes for granted his youth and suddenly becomes an old man, or we could just go back to that Popsicle again. However another thing that is liable to end is this paragraph so that I will get on with the point of this seemingly mindless rambling, because I have said nothing lasts forever. Even such things we thought would never return. Even things that perhaps should not ever return perhaps, but in the end all things must come to an end.

In the year 2000 there came to the theatre a horribly-pun-filled action/adventure/comedy movie for the whole family in which retro animated cartoon characters Rocky and Bullwinkle came into the real world to stop the sinister schemes of their arch enemy Fearless Leader. With the help of Agent Karen Sympathy, (who may or may not have only brought down the ratings lower), and the fact that they were cartoon heroes, and the fact that the movie was rated PG and was intended to children viewing, and of course for the fact that Fearless Leaders henchmen were a incompetent, egoistic, telling-their-boss-they-had-killed-Moose-and-Squirrel-when-they-really-were-alive-and-well-and-heading-in-Fearless-Leader's-direction pair of schnooks the day was saved once again by Rocky and Bullwinkle. The trees of Frostbite Falls were replanted, Karen released her inner child, Ole finally got to go to the movies, Rocky and Bullwinkle got their own channel, and the villains were sent off by accident to spend the rest of their entire cartoony existences in the internet. _Tout est bien qui fini bien!_

However, if you have not already guessed just by the mere fact that there would be no story unless this happened, Fearless Leader was soon to escape from the internet after ten long solitary years roaming in that virtual highway . . .

These years were not spent idle. No, in fact Fearless Leader learned much during his imprisonment. The gap between the 60's and now beyond the new millennium had been filled in readily into his twisted mind. He soaked in every bit of this knowledge he could, and soaked in a little extra as well, as will soon be revealed. If it had not been for the fact that he was trapped he would have thoroughly enjoyed himself, though he knew one day – vowed by the pen that first put him onto paper for the very first time – that he would return. What else could one expect from a cartoon villain, after all? He spent ten years planning and thinking and learning and preparing – waiting for the perfect moment to strike! And however impatient he was becoming, he reminded himself that he waited 35 years in reruns before his plan with Really Bad Television even when Mr. Big kept insisting it was a stupid idea and Boris and Natasha kept rushing the idea, so why should it trouble him to wait ten more without anybody above or below him to irritate him?

So where were Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale while Fearless Leader was immersing himself into the better half of the internet? Well, at first the trio was together, but somehow along the way they had mysteriously separated. Boris and Natasha did not seem to mind much nor vice versa so there was little attempt from one party in finding the other. Besides at the beginning of their imprisonment Boris and Natasha were practically insane with the fear of being trapped in the internet for eternity! Frantically they tried to escape their digital prison. They tried cutting through wires, but as the saws with which they cut were merely digital images, these did little damage; they tried squeezing out internet mainframe bases, but that proved just as fruitless; they tried downloading themselves into iPods, but they couldn't figure out how to get into the songs people were downloading; they even tried going up as far as they could and when that didn't work going down as far as they could, as well as, as far left and right as they could manage, but there was no escape. And as the months began rolling into years they began to try less and less – not because their spirits had been dampened for they were after all cartoon characters, but because Boris refused to try anything that they had tried already and repeating himself was out of the question; thus as the schemes and plotting drew nearer their limits, it took longer and longer for Boris to hatch a new escape plan. After three or four years, however it was Natasha who had somehow found her way into a fan-based site, where out of curiosity she typed in the only the obvious — herself and her partner in crime.

A whole new world was then revealed to the pair as they saw before their eyes what really happened to cartoon characters on the internet. At first they were shocked, but it was not long before they felt a bit of pride. Sure they were not as big as Batman or Sonic the Hedgehog or Mickey Mouse, but they were liked! Very well liked, in fact! It especially got them that they appeared to be more liked then the heroes of their show themselves. They even had their own movie in which Moose and Squirrel did not even appear save the mere mentioning of their names. There were dozens of photos on obscure sites of people dressing up as them, and there were screenshots and drawings of them looking spiffy, and pictures of other characters pretending to be them. You did not see anyone cosplaying as that stupid Moose – no-siree! It was enlightening! It was beautiful! It was . . . weren't they supposed to be doing something else?

Their minds slowly slipped away as they unwittingly allowed themselves to go mindlessly through the sites. They watched strange things on YouTube, and wound their way carefully through Sheezy Art and Deviant Art, and stared at passages on Fanfiction. Eventually they weren't even looking at anything related to the Rocky and Bullwinkle show or even anything to do with Jay Ward. Little by little their shapes began to deteriorate and their minds to languish until they were little more than floating pixels in cyberspace drifting almost aimlessly, only stopping to be momentarily amused by strange things they would pass by: celebrity fansites, fake news sites, mindless blogs with no real point to them. After ten long years it would not have been much longer before there was nothing left of them at all, save for the fact that exactly ten years later some seemingly impossible event occurred.

You see, it just so happened that Fearless Leader, while traveling in between sites and went into one he normally would not have gone to, chanced to pass Boris and Natasha. Of course, being nothing more than blobs of black and white and purple pixels, he would not have given them a second glance except that the smaller and less colorful of these blobby shapes said in a rather befuddled yet very familiar voice: "H-hey . . . Where you goingk?"

At the sight of Fearless Leader, somewhere in Boris's muddled pixely brain he recognized him; though, the recognition was quite buried under a mess of YouTube-poop and pop star blogs.

Fearless Leader turned sharply towards the two pixel forms and his eyes narrowed upon the form he took to be the infamous, two-timing, scoundrel he knew only too well.

"Humph!" said Fearless Leader crossing his arms over his chest and looking quite haughty. "I might have known I would find you like this!"

"Fearless Leader?" said Boris, strength returning to his voice after several years of that particular part of his self being used very seldom. The pixels too seemed to slightly come together; but he was still nothing but an unrecognizable blob.

"I would laugh in your face if you had a face to laugh into," continued Fearless Leader.

"Yes, Fearless Leader," said a still muddled Boris. "Face it head on, Fearless Leader. Face to face, about face, Fearless Leader. Face that proudly not even mother could love, Fearless Leader."

Fearless Leader clicked the roof of his mouth as an indication of his supreme disgust, and he decided that there was little use in wasting his time with either Boris or Natasha; thus he abruptly turned to make his leave. However just as he was about to change sites Natasha finally found her own voice in a sudden panic; she called: "Wait! Fearless Leader, don't leave us!"

"You're a pair of useless masses!" Fearless Leader told them, turning sharply again. He paused. "Well, you were always useless masses; it's just now all the more literal!"

"Useless . . ." murmured Boris again regaining some more of his strength; and in a more irritated tone he repeated, "'Useless masses?'"

"There's no reason why I shouldn't go right now," said Fearless Leader turning once again to go.

"Wait!" screamed Boris.

Fearless Leader rolled his eyes. "What is it, Badenov? You're trying my patience."

"I have plan!"

"You do?" was Fearless Leader's skeptical response.

"You do?" asked Natasha.

There was a short pause in which it can be assumed that Boris, had he had eyes, would have been glaring dangerously at his cohort.

"_Yes_!" he snapped.

"Ha!" said Fearless Leader. "I highly doubt you are capable of thought, much less able to make up a plot. You let yourselves melt away into nothing, wasting your time in this — this—"

"Fanfiction dot net," offered Natasha.

"Trash!" said Fearless Leader. "Mindless drivel!"

"Fearless Leader!" exclaimed Boris. "Is not all bad! Look!" He motioned his pixels towards the lists of the shows which could be entered into and directed himself to the category of the Rocky and Bullwinkle show. "We haf stories too! We haf fans!"

"We feature in all of them," agreed Natasha.

"Granted," Boris had to admit, "Is only about dozen off them, but still!"

"Not as many as _Pirates of the Caribbean_," Natasha said.

"Bah!" Boris said. "Is just cuz they haf Johnny Depp in it. Too many droolingk fangirls!"

"You mean if he was in Rocky and Bullwinkle show we'd haf just as many?" asked Natasha.

"Of course, silly girl!"

"So we get him to play you then?" asked Natasha.

"Natasha!" exclaimed Boris angrily. "Think about my image! My reputridation!"

It was at this point, after standing quite silent for some time, Fearless Leader felt that this was about enough stupidity he could handle for the time being, thus; he told both Boris and Natasha to shut up that moment or he would throw what was left of their miserable forms into a Hannah Montana fansite.

A gasp took hold of both pixel forms.

"No! Please, Fearless Leader!" begged Natasha. "Have mercy!"

"Send me to PBS Kids Go dot Org, send me to Ringpop blogs, send me to flu vaccination sites – anywhere before you send me there!" exclaimed Boris.

"Then what about the plan?" demanded Fearless Leader.

"The … plan?" asked Boris.

"Yes, you nincompoop! The plan!"

"It was … uh … I mean it was-er …"

"You don't have a plan, do you?" said Fearless Leader smiling sickly.

"Of course we do, Fearless Leader," said Natasha quickly. "Plan is uh . . ." she lowered her voice, "you do have plan, don't you, Boris?"

"Off course, Natasha," whispered Boris in return.

"Then, dahlingk, what is it?" Natasha wanted to know.

"Is just I hafen't thought off it yet," Boris explained.

"Actually," said Fearless Leader suddenly.

Both Boris and Natasha turned their shapeless bodies into the direction of their leader whose eyes were at that time fixed upon something above him.

"I think _I've_ got a plan."

Lifting their realms of vision up to where Fearless Leader's eyes were focused, they saw to their surprise that high above their heads were letters forming above them. Though, it was not so much that there was online typing going on over their heads so much as that the words read exactly what had just transpired between the felonious characters. In fact it was at that very moment writing out their action of reading these very words. Of course, in the old days they had scripts ready for them all the time; but they had never been there to witness their actions being written down while their were doing them.

The trio wondered mildly whether it was the writer causing their actions or vice versa – rather uncanny, isn't it?

"But," said Fearless Leader turning to me, "after ten years I think I've finally found our way out, whether we can explain this or not."

Still pretty weird though.

"Ours is not to question why!" Boris said in agreement to Fearless Leader; and turning to this vile dictator he asked eagerly: "So what do we do, o fearless one?"

"We wait until the writer stops typing and she will print us out," Fearless Leader said, and he paused to laugh to himself. "The idiot should have been more careful than to type the story while in the site instead of on a word document!"

"But how long do we haf to wait?" asked Natasha.

"Until the chapter is ended," explained the arch villain.

"Someone should end chapter then!" said Natasha.

Boris mused a moment, a faded pixel-image of his hand beginning to slowly reappear as his former self was pixel by pixel being reassembled, and then said: "Well, then there's only one thingk left to say."

"What's that, dahlingk?" asked Natasha.

And, whether by the horrendous horrors of bad punning or that it truly did make a justifiable ending to the chapter, the chapter came to a most abrupt end with this single smugly, sing-songily spoken phrase: "The end justifies the fiends!"


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

As soon as Boris had finished the chapter, it was instantly sent into the archives of Fanfiction dot net from the author's account, at once sealing the villains into the document. Instantly Boris and Natasha resumed their former cartoony forms although now all three characters were frozen into place and were at the mercy of what the writer planned to do next. As she previewed the fic from her account, she smiled with satisfaction; and at once, unaware of the future consequences of her action, selected the document, put it in Microsoft Word, and very soon was pushing the button to print!

The words were printed onto the clean fresh paper. The smell of ink was strong in the air as the writer spun around on her swivel chair and sucked her Pepsi through a crazy-straw. However, after only two pages she came to realize that the printer was no longer printing her story; but instead it was spitting out blank pieces of paper. She sat up from her slump and tried to make the printer stop, but it would not obey. She tried to turn it off, but it was overheating. It was so hot in fact that she could not touch it at all to even unplug the cord. All the while the printer kept spitting out paper faster and faster.

There was a loud grinding sound then as the machine moaned with an understandable agony for it began to spit out the first of three items that were not meant to run through its gears. The girl fell instantly backwards from her swivel chair, soda escaping from her bottle all over the previously white clean carpet. She just barely managed to scramble to her feet and stand and stare behind the safety her upturned chair as one after another, the figures, which looked like anything but printed pages, emerged out into the real world!

When it was all over Fearless Leader: tall and slick, Boris Badenov: short and shifty, and Natasha Fatale: sharp-edged and foxy – all stood on the floor in full realistic-looking forms of their insidious cartoony selves, and were ready for action once again.

"Thank you, young lady," said Fearless Leader in a most bone chilling manner. "I don't know how much longer we'd'fe had to wait if it had not been for your inadvertent assistance."

All the writer could do was stand dumbly with her mouth gaping wide and her pale blue eyes bulging from their sockets behind a thick canopy of long dusty blonde bangs. After a moment she was actually able to regain herself enough to speak, though what came out was not really all that intelligible. "Uh," she choked. "… buh-h …Y-y-you're …"

"Boris Badenov, at your service," said Boris with a proud sweep of his black fedora. Once Boris placed his hat back onto his head, he introduced the other two as well. "This is Natasha Fatale, my accomplice," he said indicating to his left,

"Charmed," said Natasha in a most un-charmed, unmoved tone.

Then indicating to his right, Boris said in a most gracious tone: "and this is most notoriously fiendish dictator in the world! Fearless Leader of Pottsylvania."

The writer, unable to handle the situation a moment longer took one last look at the half-melted hunk of plastic which had once been her printer and back to the three villainous characters and fainted directly on the spot.

Boris laughed. "Wadooya know, Natasha, I still got it!"

"Of course, dahlingk! You never lost it!" exclaimed Natasha clasping her hands together in delight. "World will simply bow to you, Boris!"

"Who needs droolingk fan girls when people will fall flat on their faces for you when they don't even like you!" agreed Boris feeling much more his old self again. He was also almost completely oblivious to the way Natasha was fawning at his side.

"Alright, alright! Go do something useful," ordered Fearless Leader who had become most sickened by Boris's ego and Natasha's blind adoration. "Find credit cards or something." He marched from the home office, leaving the fanfiction writer still unconscious on the floor, while Boris and Natasha hurried after him.

There was, fortunately for the villains, no one else in the house so there was no one else to see the trio as they split up about the rooms in their search. Boris and Natasha peeked in closets, searched in sock drawer, under mattresses, in coat pockets, behind a flat screen TV — afterwards breaking it by throwing it behind them, around an X-Box 360 system and piles of games that they discarded into a messy pile, dug through boxes of CDs and CD Players and a brand new iPod with ear buds, more boxes of DVDs and Blue-ray disks they promptly dumped out all over the floor and searched each case in turn as they chucked the disks carelessly about among books and magazines, which were already strewn everywhere about them. On and on they went in this way until they came to stop and met with Fearless Leader at the kitchen table once every room had been thoroughly searched and destroyed.

"Is no money in this house," said Boris with a shrug. "All I find was loose change."

"I found five dollar bill," said Natasha.

Fearless Leader threw two credit cards on the table beside Natasha's and Boris's meager finds.

"Oh, good searchingk, Fearless Leader!" congratulated Boris heartily. Leaning back idly in his chair, he put one hand behind his head and with the other hand, lifted up a bottle of expensive wine he had found in one of the cupboards. "We should celebrate!" He banged the heavy beverage onto the table in his eagerness.

"Fearless Leader's searchingk?" asked Natasha with a raised brow.

Boris shook his head impatiently. "No, no, Natasha. Our escapingk!" he told her flatly as he popped the cork and poured himself a glass of wine. "After ten years off beingk locked away in internet! Is worse than ten years in fluffy bunny rabbit pettingk zoo with no concealed weapon — or even unconcealed weapon for that matter! Now here we are in mean, cold, bastard-filled, dog-eat-moose-and-squirrel-for-breakfast _real_ world, where our fiendishly evil Fearless Leader will start new empire!" After drinking a great mouthful of wine, he turned to the leader in question. "Ain't that right, Fearless Leader?"

"Wrong again, Badenov," said Fearless Leader.

Both Boris and Natasha looked up in surprise.

Fearless Leader smiled and plucked the wine bottle from Boris's unwilling fingers to pour himself his own glass. "I already _have_ an empire in this world!" he explained. "What I want is to expand it."

The two spies looked at each other as if asking one another whether his or her partner knew what in the real world their leader was talking about. Neither of the two knew a thing as neither had seen their leader for at least eight out of their ten years of imprisonment; and thus they returned their attention to Fearless Leader for further explanation.

"While you two bumbling idiots were wasting ten years looking at mindless fan drivel," said Fearless Leader after having sipped from his glass and paused a moment to relish the taste, "I was busy working my way to the top of the world. I am one of the richest people in of the US of A and I own almost half of all the fast food franchises, media studios and tacky party favor companies in North America. I have ruthless, greedy numbskulls licking my feet as we speak!"

"Then why we steal petty cash in _this_ house if you so rich, Fearless Leader?" asked Natasha while Boris peaked under the table to see if what his leader had said was meant literally; he ended up having to lift his head up to the tabletop again with disappointment.

"There's always room for more," replied Fearless Leader importantly.

Boris shook his head and clicked his tongue. "Natasha," he said. "I'm surprised at you."

Natasha frowned at something out in front of her that was not really there, while she crossed her arms over the table, but she said nothing more for the time being.

Boris took another sip of wine from his own glass before sneaking the bottle back to his side of the table; and pouring Natasha a glass to liven her up a bit (and to pour himself some more in the meantime), he said, "So." And he smiled. "Is all taken care of, Fearless Leader! We take American public with your media and fast food, turn them into mindless zombies again, and take ofer rest of world soon after!"

"Actually there will be no need for mind control devices for me to have the public my mindless drones," replied Fearless Leader. "You see I'm going to use all of my new found power to convince the already so easily manipulated American mind so that they will simply beg me to run their pathetic nation." He opened his mouth to say more but stopped abruptly to pause thoughtfully.

"Yes, Fearless Leader?" Boris urged.

Fearless Leader shook his head. "The less you know, the better, Badenov. You might do something stupid."

"Stupid!" cried Boris Badenov, who took great pride in his wily scheming ways and felt his pride wounded quite deeply by such a statement even from his difficult to please superior. "Fearless Leader, I may haf made mistakes in past," he said, "but I nefer haf done anythingk so far as to call stupid!"

"You're a failure and a complete and utter idiot, Badenov; and I want you to get that through your thick head," said Fearless Leader flatly. "I only used you so often in the past because you were the cheapest and most accessible out of all Pottsylvanian spies; and as that revolting saying goes: you get what you pay for. There will be _no_ mistakes this time, though. You will stay behind the scenes and do exactly as you're told. You _and_ your partner."

"But . . . but what if Moose and Squirrel come?" asked Boris.

"FBI might get them to stop us again," said Natasha. "You need us to help you get rid of them!"

"When have you _ever _done _anything_ to get rid of them?" demanded Fearless Leader. "Besides, Moose and Squirrel are no longer of any consequence. You forget that I own half the media in the US of A. _Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends_ is now the property of a diabolical, hypocritical children's media company known as ForUs; and there is no way that either that buffoon of a Moose or that busybody, little Squirrel will be able to escape the contract that they will find themselves in much less be able to stop any of my plans."

Somehow Boris and Natasha did not seem as happy about this as they might have been in similar circumstances.

After a rather awkward pause, Fearless Leader said: "Did either of you find any car keys?"

Boris presented this requested item and tossed it onto the table.

"Smells off beingk brand new car!" Boris informed their superior.

"Good," said Fearless Leader snatching up the keys. "We're taking leave of this place now and very soon we — or rather _I_ — will complete the destruction of the US of A."

Boris lifted up the wine bottle. "Oh, before we go!" he said pouring more wine into everyone's glass as he spoke. "I propose we make toast!" Here he lifted his glass emphatically. "To makingk world badder place to live!"

"To success!" snarled Fearless Leader.

Boris and Natasha clinked glasses and repeated this exclamation: "To success!"

Afterwards Boris attempted to clink his glass against the glass in Fearless Leader's hand, but the future world dictator refused the offer, instead taking a drink from his glass without a word. To this Boris could only shrug as a small hiccup escaped his mouth from previously drinking his first glass much too fast. He then drank up this new glass in a few short gulps before the trio made their exit through the two-car garage. Here they found to their delight a shiny, red, spiffy-looking automobile just ripe for the taking.

Meanwhile, the author had just regained consciousness in time to hear the motor of her father's new car rumbling not to far away; but by the time she took up courage enough to peer through the back door into the garage, all she saw was the beautiful red car disappearing down the driveway and out onto the road.

SCENECHANGESCENECHANGE

It was a beautiful early summer day in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota. The trees were green with freshly grown leaves, the bees buzzed busily over flower beds, and the people were busily going about their daily business in a relatively fair manner. There was, of course, the shadowy figure of an odd, rotund man who kept waving his arms up and down and shouting out that he was the one that was supposed to be narrating this story; but he was quickly drawn a check for two hundred thousand dollars and a free trip to Hawaii on a very pricy cruise ship where they served nothing but the best wine and caviar with the finest Belgian chocolates placed under your pillow every night to boot. He then disappeared in a dusty cloud as he dashed to the nearest airport.

Meanwhile Rocky and Bullwinkle, the retro cartoon heroes of the story, were having breakfast in their home. At least they were trying to anyway for Bullwinkle had taken it upon himself to try to make pancakes from a box mix and it was not turning out the way he had intended.

"Step one," he read. "Put contents into the bowl." He dropped the box into the bowl and leaned down to read what the rest of the steps were as he put a musing finger to his chin. "Step two! Add one half cups of milk."

"Bullwinkle," Rocky tried to say as he sat at the kitchen table where he had promised his companion he would remain until breakfast was completely ready. "Are you sure you don't want any help?"

"Sure, I'm sure!" Bullwinkle assured him as he poured milk over the box in the bowl.

"But you're supposed to dump the contents _out_ of the box," said Rocky.

"It doesn't say that, Rock," Bullwinkle replied. "It says 'put contents into the bowl.'"

Rocky stood up in his chair and leaned his hands over the table. "But it's . . . never mind."

"Just stay there," said Bullwinkle as he studied the directions which were now becoming distorted with the soggy milk. "Hmm. Step 8?" he said. "They missed several steps – maybe it's just a miss-print." Here he shrugged. "Well, anyway, it says to wir until hifk and groov."

"Don't you mean: stir until thick and smooth?"

"No, I mean 'wir until hifk and groov'. How you can read it from all the way back there anyway?" Bullwinkle wanted to know. He then lifted the bowl and began to whirl it above his head and dance the best he could while doing so. "Say," he said after a moment. "What do you suppose 'hifk' means?"

Rocky shook his head. "Maybe we should just have cereal," he muttered reseating himself and resting his chin in his hands.

"Mail's in!" called a voice from the open window before Bullwinkle could reply. On top of that as soon as the voice was heard, Bullwinkle lost his balance and dropped the bowl, causing milky gobs of pancake mix to fly all over the floor.

"Package for a Mr. Rocket J. Squirrel and a Mr. Bullwinkle J. Moose," the mailman called again through the window.

Rocky surveyed the mess around him, but decided it would be best to clean up after he got the door so he called back to the mailman that he would be there in a second.

Upon Rocky's receiving the package once at the doorstep, the mailman also handed to Rocky a strange and ominous envelope addressed to them. It was stamped with a picture of a strange menacing-looking angular creature and addressed from an unknown sender calling themselves "ForUs Studios".

"If you would just sign here please," said the mailman handing Rocky a clipboard and a pen.

After Rocky signed, the mailman made his exit from the scene, and Rocky took these new items into the house and set them onto the kitchen table.

Bullwinkle had already started mopping up the mess and was muttering to himself with a shrug that perhaps it really would have been better if they had just eaten cereal for breakfast instead. "I wonder if we still have any Captain Crunch," he said.

Suddenly there came a gasp as Rocky read the contents of the ominous envelope. "Oh, no! Bullwinkle, this is terrible!"

"We're all out of Captain Crunch?" cried Bullwinkle.

"No!" replied his friend. "This is much more serious than no cereal, Bullwinkle. Come look at this!"

Bullwinkle looked at the envelope and gasped. "They spelled your name wrong!" he said. "They spelled Rocket with two t's!"

"No!" exclaimed Rocky showing the letter to Bullwinkle. "This!"

Adjusting his vision onto the paper inches from his eyes, he took the letter from his very shaken little friend and read over the material carefully. "Hey, this isn't so bad! We're starting new episodes this fall!" He pointed happily to the print as he turned back to Rocky.

"Not bad!" exclaimed Rocky. "Our show's been sold! This is worse than being canceled."

"But we _have_ been canceled," said Bullwinkle. "And for a really long time; now we're not."

"But, Bullwinkle, they're probably going to change it, you know that, right?" Rocky told him. He looked over the letter himself once more.

"Well, change is good," said Bullwinkle with a shrug.

"But sometimes it's best to leave well-enough alone," replied the squirrel quickly. "There must be some mistake! We have to go tell this ForUs Studios that we were never for sale!"

"You mean they were supposed to get us for free?" asked Bullwinkle. "I would have thought we'd at least be worth $25 a piece." He shrugged. "Or maybe 25 cents, even; but at least something, you know."

Rocky answered only with a heavy sigh.

Bullwinkle paused, blinking oddly for a moment as he looked with sympathy upon his mysteriously gloomy friend.

"Say," he said presently, "what's in the package?"

"I don't know," admitted Rocky. "I've been too busy with the letter to open it yet."

Sitting down in a chair at the table, Bullwinkle took the box as dexterously as he could into his hands and ripping off the tape he opened the box nonetheless. "Look!" he exclaimed excitedly. "They're costumes!"

Rocky looked doubtful. "Costumes?" he asked.

Climbing onto a chair beside his friend and peering into the box he pulled out a sheet of paper lodged between two plastic bags with brightly colored clothing inside. "'Welcome to the ForUs Studios family. We hope to see you tomorrow afternoon when you arrive at the domestic portion of our studios where we will discuss the new show. Please bring your letter and your costumes — preferably worn on your persons. Enclosed in a yellow envelope are two tickets to your destination by plane. We look forward to working with you. Signed, ForUs Staff.'"

Bullwinkle scratched his head. How are we supposed to wear our letter?"

"They mean they want us to wear our costumes and bring the letter."

"Oh!" said Bullwinkle. "Why didn't they just say so?" He shrugged. "Well, they sound friendly enough anyway," offered Bullwinkle helpfully.

"I don't know, Bullwinkle," Rocky replied. "I have a real bad feeling about this."

SCENECHANGESCENECHANGE

The very next afternoon Rocky and Bullwinkle found themselves at the daunting entrance of the ForUs Studios Domestic Building as opposed to the foreign section where foreign cartoons had their dialogue translated from the original language and made "appropriate" for American audiences. Rocky looked at Bullwinkle. Bullwinkle looked at Rocky. Then both looked up at the door again with uncertainty.

"Well, we aren't going to just stand here all day," said Bullwinkle. "The children watching'll get bored."

"No one's watching us now, Bullwinkle," replied Rocky. "We could sit here all day and it wouldn't matter, but still, you're right. We're not cowards. We have to go right in there and explain that this is all just a misunderstanding."

"Yeah!" agreed Bullwinkle. "Then we can invite them to Culver's for ham and bacon!"

"But you get ice cream there, not meat," Rocky told him.

Bullwinkle shrugged. "It always sounded like the name of a butcher's."

"Well, it doesn't really matter," said Rocky with a shrug of his own. "Let's just go inside."

However, just as the little squirrel was reaching for the door a piercing blare sounded from the wall. It was so loud that their entire bodies shook and sizzled with the horrible noise; though, before they could even wonder at what had happened the noise instantly ceased leaving the pair in a rumpled grey and brown heap of fur and antlers. They quickly recovered, but as soon as Rocky got to his feet a computer screen, which they had been previously unaware of blinked on and a mechanized female-sounding voice said: "INVITATION PLEASE."

"What?" asked Bullwinkle, confused as usual.

"She probably means our letter," said Rocky. He pulled out the envelope containing their message from ForUs and held it up before the computer.

The computer sent out a red light, which scanned the envelope through the other side and after a moment it went directly back into place; then another light — green this time — came out and scanned the retro cartoon heroes, causing them to involuntarily shield their eyes and give out startled yelps.

"WELCOME ROCKET J. SQUIRREL, BULLWINKLE J. MOOSE," the computer said the instant the green light disappeared.

"Thank you," said Bullwinkle holding out his hand in a friendly manner, but realizing that the computer couldn't shake, he let out a slight chuckle and said, "You know you really should fix your doorbell."

Rocky did not have the heart to tell Bullwinkle that the horrible noise had been an alarm, not a broken door bell. Even if he had planned to say anything, he might have not gotten around to it anyway for it was at that moment that the doors swung open, and the computer insisted that the duo go inside.

"Okay, goodbye!" called Bullwinkle.

Hand in hand the retro cartoon heroes braved the deep, dark tunnel that was the entrance hallway of ForUs studios. The lighting was, although not all too beneficial for sight, blinking and colorful like going into an arcade except that the atmosphere was like heading into a war room, and every now and then they could hear strange noises coming from one of the many sealed vault-like doors with loud yelling and strange cries.

"Must be the horror section," Bullwinkle whispered to his friend.

Rocky could only shrug.

Eventually they came to a large window, behind which sat an idle secretary with blue spiky hair. She was animated in a style unfamiliar to the pair but it was something in imitation to Anime but with the worst of America, but it would not have looked all that bad save that she was so still it was eerie. This was not to say that the animation of Rocky and Bullwinkle was the most fantastic thing in the world (people wouldn't take us seriously anymore if I said that), but there was a definite stiffness to this character that was a bit foreign to our heroes. However, she looked friendly enough and neither wanted to appear rude, so putting on his most sociable manner, Rocky made his way to the desk and said cheerfully: "Hello. Excuse me, miss."

The woman jerked up in surprise, and as she took in the sight of Rocky and his pal her face was instantly replaced with a smile.

"May I help you?" she asked pleasantly, her head cocked to the side in a way that looked almost robotic.

"Um yes, my name is Rocket J. Squirrel and this is-"

"Bullwinkle?" the woman asked.

"Wow! She's a mind reader!" exclaimed Bullwinkle.

"Yes, Mr. Slink's been expecting you." She then pointed sharply down the hall. "He is waiting for you in room 126 ½ B. First take a left at the end of this hall. Then go up a flight of stairs, then turn through the second door to the left, then go up a flight of stairs, ignore the drinking fountain, buy a snack from the snack machine, then right down a hall, then left then up a flight of stairs, buy a smoothie from the juice machine, round the second corner not the first, down a flight of stairs, use the trash reciprocal for any unwanted trash, down another flight of stairs and the it's the first door on the right."

Bullwinlkle's eyes, which had been darting around in the way the woman pointed to with each different direction she gave until his eyes were more screwed up than Captain Peachfuzz's and his mind was so fizzled that it was on the verge of short circuiting.

"Uh, could you repeat those directions again?" asked Rocky, a little shaken up himself.

Before the secretary could answer however, there was a deep voice behind them which said: "No need to confuse these poor boys. I'll take them myself."

Rocky and Bullwinkle turned around to face a very large grin with very large white perfectly shaped teeth inside. This grin was surprisingly attached to a round pink face with eyes that seemed almost perpetually closed in a way that made one wonder how he could see above a little red nose. This face was in turn attached to a very round body with stocky arms and legs and a green suit that was perfectly molded to his body.

Although Rocky knew it was not good to go by first impressions, he had a strong urge to insist that finding the room on their own was more preferable. Even if he had planned on saying this, however Bullwinkle had already spoken a very cheerful greeting, introducing himself and Rocky to the man.

"You have very good hygiene," Bullwinkle added as he shook the man's hand.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Moose" said the man. He was quite talented, only using one identical mouth movement for each different syllable he spoke. "I'm Mr. Slink. Come, I'll take you to my office where we can talk about the show. We're very happy to have you with us."

"Thank you, Mr. Slink," said Rocky, "but before we go, there's something we have to tell y-"

"There's time for such things later!" exclaimed Slink grabbing Rocky by the shoulder. "Now come along. We have many things to discuss."

"But we were never-"

The man held up a very rigid finger. "Up-up-up!" he said. "This way, please."

"Sure is insistant," Bullwinkle said to Rocky.

Rocky could only shake his head and reluctantly follow the man.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

_The sun was a glowing orb in the sky. The hillsides gleamed with shiny grass. The trees were perfectly straight and beautiful. It was a magnificent sight. Even the road that curved along the hills was an attractive gravely pattern. The computer graphic artists had done a lovely job on the silent picturesque backdrop. However this peaceful scene was abruptly interrupted when a car suddenly zoomed passed along the road, its wheels a non-existent blur over the pavement._

"_Quick, they're getting away!" cried Rockett as he popped onto the scene at the top of a nearby hill._

"_Say, Rock?" asked Wink. "Why is the background so good? Check out this scene!"_

"_The plot," whispered Rockett, glancing back at his partner._

"_Ah, right!' Wink agreed. He frowned. "Say Rock, why are your lips not in sync? And why do we look so glassy-like shiny? And why are we moving weirdly back and forth like puppets? And why are we talking less enthusiastic than usual?"_

"_Because!' exclaimed Rockett as he leapt after the truck to keep in time with the episode. "_We're on ForUs_!" He flew towards it with great speed, wind rushing all around him like streaked abyss._

_Inside the truck, the driver (a very ugly, short and squat character that looked suspiciously like a gruesome version of Boris Badenov) was oblivious of the squirrel's nose dive; his partner (she looked suspiciously like Natasha Fatale but with more hair) saw him instantly. "B!" she snapped. "That stupid squirrel is right on our tail!"_

_Aww, and they lost their accents too bad … something to do with political correctness, I suppose!_

"_Shut up, N!" growled B. "I know how to get rid of that meddling pest!"_

_Just then a missile launcher tube shot up out of the top of the vehicle. _

_"They're going to shoot at you, Rocky!" Wink said through a walkie-talkie._

"_Roger that, Bullwinkle – er, I mean: Wink!"_

"_But there's no Roger here!"_

"_Never mind then," said Rockett looking annoyed._

"_Nuts to you, Rockett Squirrel!" laughed B maniacally. The other two joined the laughter as N began firing nut shaped missiles at Rockett's head._

_Rockett was much too clever, of course, and zig-zagged every one, except for the ones he kicked ninja like into explosive dust. In a few short seconds he was zooming through the window._

_ "Alright," he said. "Give us back the formula or I'll have to use my squirrel powers _– (my what? Oh never mind) – _my squirrel powers on you!_ (Oh boy)_"_

_At first the trio had looked rather shocked and even a bit dismayed, but upon hearing Rockett's words they could do little more than laugh, and laugh they did. They both laughed so hard that it was surprising the truck did not crash with how little they were paying attention to where they were going during this brief period (the road must have been pretty strait). They were also laughing so hard that their bodies were frozen in a paralyzed opened-mouthed position._

_When B could finally speak, he said while shooting instantly into an upright position: "Little Squirrel. You trying to beat us up is like a brush trying to beat the poof out of N's hair!" He laughed again._

_Suddenly an aura of darkness enshrouded the scene, especially around N; and she, with a most horribly monstrous expression, hissed: "What did you say about my hair?"_

"_Nothing! Nothing!" cried B waving his hands up in the air._

_But it was too late, N was already passed forgiving him; and with a whip like swoop of her neck she whacked B as hard as she could with her hair right into his face._

_With a red face full of pain, B was left in his seat then to make strange whimpering noises with eyes full was water._

"_Don't mock the hair," said N haughtily._

"_Ehem!" said Rockett, clearing his throat._

"_Oh, right!" exclaimed N snatching up a ray gun. She tried to shoot but missed by a mile._

"_Alright," Rockett said. "You asked for it! _Rockett the Flying Squirrel_!" His voice echoed into the distance and everywhere around._

_It was then that Rockett began to glow. An orb of light formed around him and his eyes turned a dangerous orange color. It was then and only then that the bad guys became afraid. With a dramatic slow motion swing Rockett sprung into action._

_WHAM!_

_SMACK!_

_BOOM!_

_The truck exploded in a blinding light that could be seen from miles and miles around; and the trio was shot as if by a cannon up into the air and into the sky where they disappeared with a twinkling star screaming as they went._

_Just at that moment, back down on the ground, Wink showed up with another vehicle – a spiffy little thing – and called for Rockett to jump into the seat beside him._

"_Come on!" exclaimed Rockett, holding up the vial as he landed in the appropriate seat beside his associate. "We gotta take this to Pr. Peabody. Only he can analyze this stuff so that we can find out what the ingredients are. If only somebody hadn't lost the ingredients." He eyed Wink with an annoyed leer, which seemed to go unnoticed by Wink._

"_Yeah, I wonder who that was," said Wink thoughtfully._

"_All that matters now is that we got the vial back," said Rockett with a triumphant air, though this was after rolling his eye about his partner's idiocy._

"_A vile back?" exclaimed Wink. "You mean now we got to get a vile back! Whose back is it? And why's it so vile?"_

_This was when Rockett smacked him in the face with his hand._

"I WHAT!"

Instantly the computer backdrop vanished into a dumpy backstage-looking area with a computer sheet behind Rocky and Bullwinkle. Our heroes themselves resumed the normal appearances; though they were still wearing their flashy costumes.

"You what?" asked Bullwinkle with a befuddled looked that really did not look that much different than one in the previous scene.

Suddenly Mr. Slink appeared. "Oh stink!" he cried. "What's the matter now?"

"Yeah," grumbled B, standing beside a now robotic bat creature on strings and a hard smoking N, "we were the ones who got blown up. And FORUS's too cheap to hire stunt men."

"I think I'm running low on hair gel again," murmured N with a deep monotone voice, blowing out a large puff of smoke from a cigarette that had suddenly appeared.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Slink," said Rocky, beginning to take off his suit, "but I just can't go on like this. Squirrel power is one thing; but this . . ." He shook his head. "Bullwinkle's my pal. I would never do anything bad to him. Friends shouldn't hurt each other. Especially friends that are TV role models. Even Boris and Natasha rarely did anything violent to _each other_ and they were the bad guys."

"But Mr. Squirrel," said Slink. "It's part of it. You're old show is too goody-goody for today's standards and our writers were simply trying to, ah . . . grim you up – er down – a bit. Sort of like anime American style, you know."

Rocky was not in the least bit convinced.

"It gets better later on," insisted Slink.

Mr. Peabody was then seen walking calmly up onto the scene with Sherman tagging up behind him.

"Actually, there are a few subjects I'd like to touch on as well," he said. "I'm very impressed with the lab that you have created for me; and I don't mind being part of the main plot; but I feel my dialogue is lacking. It feels hallow, unfeeling, and humorless. Also, as much confidence as I have in Sherman, I just don't feel that his role is quite befitting of his natural character. He is a simple boy, well meaning, but simple."

"I try though, Mr. Peabody," said Sherman cheerily. He put his arms innocently behind his back. "And I do make a pretty mean paper airplane."

Mr. Peabody nodded and turned briefly to the boy in approval. "Yes, that you do, Sherman." He turned again to Mr. Slink. "Now, Sherman being written with slightly more competence is not the problem I really have; but it seems that later in the plot of the show. . ." Here Mr. Peabody had reached for a large script stack and was brushing through the pages. Adjusting his glasses he then continued: "He seems to be taking away certain parts that should rightfully belong to the heroes of the story." He indicated to Rocky and Bullwinkle.

"That's us!" exclaimed Bullwinkle informatively to you.

Slink cleared his throat. "As for your dialogue, that's simply supposed to be part of the humor. And yes, Sherman is to take more responsibilities in this show. As your adopted boy he's learned much from you and helps Rocky and Bullwinkle on their missions later on with his knowledge that he's learned from you. He'll be stopping evil genius plots and the like with his smarts while the other two beat up the bad guys, if you will."

"I could show him some of my paper airplanes if you wanted, Mr. Peabody," offered Sherman helpfully.

"That's alright Sherman," was the reply; and then turning once again to Slink, Mr. Peabody said, "I just think the story-line needs a little reworking. I'd also like my bow back if you don't mind. It feels much more in character than a lab coat." Here he pulled at his coat for emphasis.

"And who is Rochester?" asked Rocky. "I've heard of her and still haven't met her. She has nothing to do with the original show.

"Oh." Mr. Slink grinned eerily. "You'll like her. She's your love interest."

"But I don't have a love interest," protested Rocky.

"Besides," said Bullwinkle, quite appalled by the idea. "He's too young to be dating."

Mr. Slink laughed. "Nonsense! It's all in cute fun. Besides! There weren't enough female characters to work with from the original show so we needed to add one."

"What about Nell Fenwick, Mr. Slink?" suggested Sherman.

"She's too old for Rockett. Besides Dudley Do-right isn't around until the second season where Rockett and Wink go through time with Pr. Peabody's time machine and where they ultimately go into the future where they meet the future ruler of the world and his robotic rats that have destroyed all the electronics in the world and make the people live in fear and tyranny."

"Whoa, I think I've heard that plot before," said Bullwinkle.

Suddenly there was a big rumble from above, followed by a crazed-sort of: "Look out below down there!"

Just as everyone was looking up to see what was going on, a huge jet crashed into the machinery, wall, and computers – just barely missing the screaming crowd below as they scrambled to get clear of the jet and the debris that followed. However, once the smoke cleared, it seemed that B and N had disappeared, though it was difficult to say whether they were underneath the rubble or had merely run off.

Mr. Slink was furious. He marched up to the front of the jet (or what was left of it) just in time to see a saluting, stumbling, cross-eyed Captain Peachfuzz as he made his way out onto the scene.

"Here I am, Captain Peter Peachfuzz, at your service!" cried Captain Peachfuzz.

"You idiot!" screamed Slink, all composer completely forgotten. "You've ruined everything! Look at the set! Look at the computer! Look at the props! It takes money to run this place!"

"Yeah, look at the price of parking," said Bullwinkle pointing out the new unorthodox window Peachfuzz had just created. "One dollar per parking per day. That's pretty steep!" He clicked his tongue and shook his head.

"You weren't even scheduled to come in today!" snapped Slink, totally ignoring the outrageous policy.

"Isn't today Tuesday?" asked Peachfuzz, scratching his head.

"You weren't supposed to come in on Tuesday! And NO, today is not Tuesday! You weren't even supposed to land here! You were supposed to land outside!"

"But the coordinates you gave me said to go 5 by 3," said Peachfuzz with a shrug. "Or was it north by northwest? Hmm …"

"I didn't give coordinates!"

"Well somebody did," Peachfuzz was certain of it. "I'll clean up the mess."

By now Slink was so mad that he was jumping up and down and his lower jaw was dropping open and shut as if it were on a rubber band: "You will NOT clean up the mess!"

Peachfuzz, true to his word and hardly daunted by his superior's obvious annoyance and picked up a broom and was sliding it back and forth on the floor; though even had the object been right side up, it probably would not have done much good in a rubble such as this. A backhoe would have been more appropriate.

"Shhhh," said Peabody to me. "Don't give him any ideas."

Slink snatched the broom away from Peachfuzz; and for the first time he looked a bit concerned about the situation as he looked into the burning red coals in the center of Slink's eyes.

"He was only trying to help," said Rocky, coming to Peachfuzz's defense.

But Slink, taking no notice of the little squirrel, said instead, quite darkly: "You're fired."

"What?" exclaimed Peachfuzz, looking more confused than hurt.

Bullwinkle stepped forward. "Hey, you can't fire him!"

"Actually," said Peabody, "he can."

"But, Mr. Peabody, they can't fire Captain Peachfuzz," said Sherman. "They need him to make obscure plots work!"

"Well, if you fire Captain Peachfuzz," said Rocky to Slink, most resolutely, "then I quit!"

"You can't quit! You're on a contract." Slink grinned.

"I didn't sign a contract," said Rocky crossing his arms. He began walking proudly towards the door, pulling Bullwinkle along with him. "Come on, Bullwinkle, let's go."

Bullwinkle leaned down close to Rocky and whispered, "Don't you mean, 'Wink'?"

"No," replied Rocky flatly. "I mean 'Bullwinkle'. We don't work for ForUs anymore."

"Yeah," Bullwinkle agreed. "They won't even let me keep 'Mr. Know-It All', anyway."

However, just as they were reaching the door, Slink slammed his hand in front of the door. "You _can't_ quit!" he said, his eyes wide with fiery triumph and his grin was so wide that he could have given the Cheshire Cat lessons. He held up a familiar piece of paper. "You signed this when we sent you the letter and costumes."

Rocky was taken aback. "B-but, we thought that was for the costumes!"

"Well, it's not!" laughed Slink.

Rocky frowned; quickly overcoming his initial fear. "If we didn't know, it didn't count." And he continued towards the open window Peachfuzz had fortunately made and stepped out of ForUs Studios without once looking back with Bullwinkle tagging along close behind.

* * *

NOTE: Just in case your wondering. I'm only mocking 4Kids not anime so much. Just stuff like Engilsh dubs and the 03 Ninja Turtle show, Chaotic and stuff


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Now Fearless Leader's scheme to get rid of Rocky and Bullwinkle would have worked with or without our heroes' consent. Even as Rocky and Bullwinkle crossed the parking lot out of ForUs's property and on their way home, Mr. Slink was calling security. ForUs had paid good money for those two characters and they intended on keeping them. Before this security arrived however two things happened.

One of these things was the result of another crash and the familiar voice of Peachfuzz behind them even though what he said was not all that intelligible. Still, it caused what I said about Rocky not looking back a lie, because he did look back and saw that Peachfuzz had broken another hole in the wall, though with his body this time. He was running as fast as he could until he rammed face-first into a very large truck and fell backwards.

Rocky and Bullwinkle looked at each other and shrugged; but though Peachfuzz was not their favorite supporting character, they knew they had to go help him.

"Come on, Bullwinkle," said Rocky. "Let's go see if he's okay."

This is exactly what they did, though of course as they approached him, beyond being a little shaken up, he was relatively alright.

"Though it's hard to tell for sure," admitted Bullwinkle with only honesty in mind. "And everything else I know."

"What were you doing?" asked Rocky.

"Oh, I was just trying to find the broom closet, that's all – get the vacuum," Peachfuzz replied, Rocky trying to keeping from falling over all the while.

Suddenly the guards started to come; and they came and came and came and came. Millions of them!

"We have enough people to play a Candyland showdown for twenty years!" exclaimed Bullwinkle happily.

"No, Bullwinkle!" Rocky said in dismay. "These people are going to bring us back to ForUs Studios. They're security."

It was just at that moment that a very unlikely yet very fortunate-for-our-heroes thing happened.

"A new toy made in the USA?" I'm not sure who said that one. Maybe it was randomly Yacko from Animaniacs from watching too many Animaniacs episodes that my brother has on DVD.

No. It was a green light coming from the sky.

"The sky is falling! Let's inform the president!" exclaimed Peachfuzz. He pointed frantically upwards.

"No it's the limelight of Hollywood!" Rocky said, jumping up happily. "We're being rescued!"

Yes, they were. Just as a loud voice from amongst the security yelled: "Keep still and put your hands above your head and no funny old cartoon tricks," our heroes and for some reason Captain Peachfuzz as well were being pulled up into the air and out of the animated realm.

"The president must be rescuing us for all that help we gave him in the past!" Bullwinkle said. "He especially liked how I redecorated his bathroom."

Before anyone could reply to this assumption, they were once again in what shall be called the "real world", though the person before them was not the president.

"Who are you?" asked Bullwinkle, the first to answer and recover after the sudden change in environment.

"Bob Brett, actually," said the man, and pointing to Peachfuzz's swaying head he asked, "Who's that?"

"Oh, that's Captain Peachfuzz," said Rocky. "And I'm Rocky and this is my pal Bullwinkle."

Bob nodded distractedly, wringing his hands together with ill ease. "Yeah, yeah, I know who you are."

"Please to meet you!" Peachfuzz held out his hand but Bob took no notice of it.

The man looked a little disheveled, and kept looking about as if he was afraid of someone watching them. "Listen. Word has got out that Fearless Leader and his cronies escaped the internet."

"What?" exclaimed Rocky. "How? Where?"

Then Bob explained to them how a girl unwittingly released the vile trio while writing a fanfic. At first no one had believed her. People were almost thinking of putting her into therapy when the FBI got word of it; then they met with her demanding every detail she could give them. They then told her to never speak of it again

"Scary, isn't it?" said Bullwinkle in awe.

"Well, where are they now?" asked Rocky.

"No one knows for sure; but they seem to be operating in a city in Minnesota." This is when the man reached into his pocket and pulled out two plane tickets. "You're to meet with Agent Sympathy there. She'll be waiting."

"What about Captain Peachfuzz?" asked Rocky.

"I'm a pilot, Rocky!" Peachfuzz exclaimed. "I'll fly us there myself!"

"I was afraid of that," Rocky said sadly.

"No!" cried Bob. "I'll scrounge up another ticket." He pulled Bullwinkle aside. "Keep an eye on that guy."

"Gochya!" Bullwinkle saluted and closing one eye he looked very hard upon the captain.

Bob looked even more disheveled than before somehow.

* * *

They arrived very late in Minnesota that evening; and booked themselves into a hotel which Bob had suggested and gave them the money to pay for. Early next morning the trio was ready for action.

"Okay!"said Rocky standing almost military-like in front the two straight standing figures of mental density which were Bullwinkle and Peachfuzz. "The best thing to do now is to search out Agent Sympathy."

"I'll search up town!" said Peachfuzz.

"I'll search in town!" said Bullwinkle.

"Right!" said Rocky. He thought a moment then added: "better make that down town, Bullwinkle. I'll go with you." He then turned kindly to Peachfuzz. "You sure you don't mind going alone? After all, the real world is really different from where we're from."

"Yeah, people have to go to the bathroom for more than just excuses to get away from people," said Bullwinkle.

"I'm navy captain! Of course, I can handle it!" Peachfuzz assured the others.

Thus setting out, the trio went down the stairs. Rocky and Bullwinkle went out the back door by the pool and captain Peachfuzz walked right into an open closet in which, when it swung behind him, he found he could not get back out again.

* * *

Boris Badenov was a first class Pottsylvanian spy. He was a crooked, low-down, double-crossing, scum ball of a sneaky freaky and creepy little rat-like thing and proud of it. For five years he schemed, chased, and slinked about – the best of the best! The most recurring of all the villains in all of the _Rocky and Bullwinkle Show_. Before the show was cancelled, of course. Sometimes he had occasionally appeared without Natasha; and that never happened the other way around. He was the wittiest, skuzziest, slimiest schnook of them all.

"Don't try to make me feel better," Boris warned sulkily.

With all this in mind, you can understand the way he bristled with rage now. If he truly had been a rat, he would have been hissing and spitting in anger. Instead he was just steeping in it with a stiff intensity that made his now realistic features contort to such a degree that it might have made a usual realistic person laugh to see it — not that doing such a thing is advised, mind you, however humorously childish it looked. Besides being rude, it's simply not the smartest thing to laugh at a person who has an unlimited stash of TNT in his coat pockets.

But what was this notorious cartoon villain doing now that was making him so ticked off? Helping Fearless Leader with his new machine? Sneaking around outside to make sure no one was about?

"If I had pistol, I'd shoot you," Boris threatened to me. He was not appreciating the sarcasm at all.

_Then that's all the better for me that you don't, isn't it?_

Boris grinned dangerously. "Don't get cocky, that may soon change."

Anyway.

Boris Badenov – _the_ Boris Badvenov was seated in a heap of cabbages, potatoes, hard boiled eggs and mayonnaise jars; these items he was piling into a large bowl to make potato-salad for potato-salad sandwiches. Yes, you heard right. Boris and Natasha were sitting in a make-shift kitchen making lunch (for those who were doing those jobs that Boris and Natasha would have much preferred) in the middle of where Fearless Leader was holding his operations. While Boris was making sandwiches, Natasha was handing Boris the bread slices, making the lemonade, getting out paper plates, napkins and cups, and putting some day-old Kentucky Fried Chicken into the microwave.

Suddenly Boris moaned audibly.

"Is there a problem, Badenov?" asked a smug and most unwelcome voice.

"Nothingk, Fearless Leader!" exclaimed Boris quickly. "Is just a potato fell on floor; is no biggie!"

Fearless Leader crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh!" he said. "You are not even fit for lunch making, is that what I am to understand, Badenov? Are you going to mess this up too, just like you did with Moose and Squirrel?"

"No, Fearless Leader!" Boris insisted with a goofy, toothy smile. "Is nothingk. Nothingk! Lunch will be quality of Cordon Bleu!"

"You mean carton and goo, Boris darlingk," said Natasha pointing first to the carton of chicken, which she was just pulling out of the microwave and the goo that was Boris's potato salad.

"Shurrup your mouth!" hissed Boris holding a hand up in front of her face. "Your jokes smell worse than bad cheese in July."

Fearless Leader glared suspiciously in the spies' direction.

"Not you, oh fearless one, ol' buddy!" said Boris hastily. "It was just Natasha. She—"

"None of your excuses, just finish up lunch. We're getting hungry!" Fearless Leader snapped. "My men can't work on empty stomachs!"

Boris grumbled something most unpleasant under his breath about just what he would feed to Fearless Leader if he got the chance.

"What was that?" Fearless Leader snapped.

Boris laughed nervously. "Uh — just that I said I hoped you'll be _pleased_, Fearless Leader!"

Fearless Leader sniffed pompously before puffing a large cloud of smoke out of his mouth as he pulled his cigarette holder out from between his teeth. "That's what I thought you said," he snapped. Then, putting the cigarette holder back into his mouth, he turned abruptly around towards the complicated looking computer system surrounding a strange dome-like machine.

"Is the machine ready, Quentin?" he demanded of one of the American traitors he had picked up to help him (aside from Fearless Leader, Boris, and Natasha, all other Pottsylvanians were either in prison after their first venture to the real world or still in the cartoon world, thus new recruits had been necessary — even if most of these recruits were merely gang members and evil nerds from American cities).

"Yes, Boss," said the odd, crookedly figured man by name of Jimmy Quentin.

Fearless Leader nodded in prompt approval. "Then let's give a test run!" He ordered. "Bring in the blind mouse!"

The order was immediately obeyed as two burly men brought in a cage with a tiny lab mouse, which was blind in one eye. The cage was set before Fearless Leader on an old table.

"Are you ready, mouse?" Fearless Leader said, his lip curling up in a most sinister manner as he leaned his face in close to the cage.

The mouse squeaked with confusion as it tried to figure out why his water carton and food pellets were gone after he had been moved from his old cage.

"Humph! Well, you'll learn respect once you go through the machine," Fearless Leader told the creature. He then motioned for the burly men to remove the mouse from the cage and place him into through large metal door.

Once the rodent was encased inside Fearless Leader ordered for Dr. Peterson (another treacherous American who Fearless Leader promised — without any intent of keeping this promise — to give him a share of the spoils once Fearless Leader controlled the world) to start everything up.

"Wait!" exclaimed Fearless Leader suddenly before Dr. Peterson could pull the first lever. "Before we start I want to have a personal gloat."

"Uh . . . okay," said Dr. Peterson with a shrug.

Fearless Leader cleared his throat as he prepared his monologue

"Personal gloat!" snapped Fearless Leader.

_Monologue!_

He then spoke, "This is a plan far superior to my previous plot for world conquest. This one is much more in depth. Much more . . ."

"Fiendish?" offered Boris.

"Shut up, Badenov!" snapped Fearless Leader before continuing. "There is no need to mind control the American public. They already follow plenty of people like zombies. They're called rock/pop stars, super models, pop culture idols, movie actors, and politicians. That is why all of you are here. We are going to use this influence these people have over the populous for my own purpose. Then eventually I myself will rise to power until I am control of virtually everything and will change the way America, and all of the modernized world runs. Once I gain enough of my own influence then I will be official dictator of the world! Then of course, we will all have a great celebration where there will be parades in honor of me. Destroying of forests in honors of me, blowing up the homes of former politicians in honor of me, a statue larger than the statue of liberty of myself. It'll be all me all the time, and it will be far superior to the pathetic little nothing country of Pottsylvania with its incompetent schnooks!" He paused with a very brief glance at Boris before facing his new men again. "Now on this happy note, start the machine."

Dr. Peterson nodded obediently and then pulled down the levers that started the machine. Instantly the great beast of a mechanism hummed to life. Then it began to spin. It was slow at first and then it spun faster and faster and faster. It was like one of those rides at the fair that are shaped like a flying saucer and spin so fast that you stick to the wall only on hyper speed. Round and round it went. The computer screens were flashing, and the lights blinking until at last the machine came to a ridiculously abrupt halt, after which the door was ordered to be opened.

This too was obeyed and after a cloud of smoke cleared, there was not only one mouse but two. However the second mouse was followed from behind by a two inch high flying insectoid robot. That was because the second mouse, although very life-like in appearance, was in reality a type of holographic image. However besides just looking exactly like the original, the copy sounded like the original as a voice came out from the robot, and it could even send a mental wave into a being (only one at a time, which made it a bit risky) so that one thought that he or she could feel this copy too.

All these things were tested and worked perfectly much to the satisfaction of Fearless Leader, who, with a little help from Dr. Peterson, felt he had designed the machine perfectly.

"It operates to perfection!" said Fearless Leader. "Now, on to phase two." He was just about to speak more when he suddenly pulled his cigarette holder out of his mouth glared with dissatisfaction.

Everyone looked at each other as they waited to see what would happen next.

"What is phase two?" asked a plain-looking man with a plaid shirt.

Instead of answering the query, Fearless Leader turned to the makeshift kitchen behind him. His frowned deepened. "Badenov!" he shouted.

Boris turned around. "_Wa-a-at_!" was the demanding and slightly winy reply.

"Get your butt over here!" snapped Fearless Leader, "and bring me another cigarette!"

Instantly Boris jumped to his feet. "Yes, Fearless Leader! Comingk, Fearless Leader!" he sang merrily.

At this most sarcastic tone, Fearless Leader appeared even less amused, but he said nothing as he held out his cigarette holder for Boris to exchange his old cigarette for a new one. Boris was prompt about his business, grinning stupidly all the while in a way that told that he was so "happy" that he would have been happy to relieve Fearless Leader of some important appendage of his body. Once he was finished performing his task of servitude, Boris was only surprised that Fearless Leader had not asked him to shine his boots too; though he dared not mention it for fear of losing an appendage of his own body or worse! — having to actually shine those boots!

"Hmph," said Fearless leader, after an initial puff of this new smoke, "at least that's one thing you haven't messed up on," he muttered and then marched away.

Boris stood angrily a moment. He was still fuming so hard that steam would have been seen coming out of his ears had he still been in a cartoon. He did not even notice Natasha come up from behind him and reach out a hand to stroke his shoulders gently.

"Dahlingk . . ." she said in a sympathetic coo. "Poor little thingk . . ."

Boris spun round and glared at his partner in crime. "Oh, Natasha . . . " he sighed in tone that was very weary and almost sad, and indicative of longing for comfort; but Natasha should have known that it was only an act for her to be all the more startled when he wrenched his way out of her gentle grasp and shouted, "Shurrup your mouth! And get back to lunch makingk."

"That's the spirit, Badenov!" snarled Fearless Leader and quickly turned around to face the machinery.

Boris stuck out his tongue, and luckily was not caught in the act by anyone other than Natasha.

"Now for phase two!" shouted Fearless Leader suddenly, strutting back to the center of the underground lair. "There is a huge concert being held by one of America's favorite pop stars in this very city. Right above this sewer system in which we're in now!" He cleared his throat. "Now, we need someone to nab him while he's getting ready to perform. I was thinking Zimmerman as he has the most potential, and for the fact that he used to be an actor but—"

"Excuse me, Fearless Leader."

Fearless Leader turned to face the one who had spoken and happened to be standing about a foot behind him.

"What is it, Badenov?" he snapped.

Placing his hands behind his back and smiling majestically sinister, Boris replied "I know perfect man for job! I haf perfect plan for catching pop star too."

"No."

"But Fearless Leader! Plan is foolproof! Natasha dresses up as fan girl and—"

"But is it nincompoop proof, is what I'd like to know," snapped Boris's superior.

"Yes!" Boris snapped back in return.

Fearless Leader was about to yell some more; but just then a sudden thought occurred to him. "Actually, I have something better in mind."

"I capture _Twilight_'s Robert Pattinson?"

"No," said Fearless leader and producing from a pocket a pair of keys, he told him, "you get to fill up the gas in the car."


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

"Raskolnikov!"

"Boris, think about children audience," said Natasha.

"What audience, Natasha?" snapped Boris in reply. "Phooey to children audience! They don't even know what I just said! It's in Russian!"

"Well," said Natasha, "What I really meant was, you'fe been yellingk since we started out, and it will do no good for you, dahlingk. Even for simple fact that is no good drivingk car when you're so mad that you can't drive!"

She said this indicating to the fact that they just almost hit an oncoming vehicle as they passed a red light.

"We're goingk to be arrested!" Natasha told him.

"Nonsense, we can't get arrested, we're only on chapter five," said Boris as a matter-of-factly. "But point is, Natasha, that I won't stand to be treated this way anymore! I won't do it!"

"But, Fearless Leader—"

"Fearless Leader is only spittingk pussy cat in real world. I ain't afraid of him!" Boris boasted loudly as they drove on towards the gas station. He pushed down the button to open the windows a bit for the air to cool down the vehicle and some of his perspiration-exacting anger.

Natasha bit her lip, and could not help but look about her meanwhile as if afraid that Fearless Leader or someone working for him might be about to hear this.

"Oh-ho … one of these days, Natasha …" Boris muttered, shaking his finger accusingly.

Natasha frowned lightly. "One of these days, _what_, dahlingk?"

Boris glared at his partner in crime a moment with a look that was intended to be dangerous and menacing; but it came out a bit too sulky and childish to be that frightening. Even still there was a temporary and slightly indignant silence that took hold of both driver and passenger.

Shortly after this, Boris pulled up in front of the gas station, again almost running into someone. In response, the driver of the other vehicle said something very rude to Boris and honked his horn. Boris only laughed dryly and said something inaudible about a bomb in the driver's face. Once parked in front of a gas pump, he turned again to Natasha with a look of pride.

"One of these days, I show world what Boris Badenov is really made off," he told her.

"And what are you really made off?" Natasha wanted to know.

"More than potato salad and nose-hair clippers, that's what!" Boris snapped and promptly left the vehicle, slamming the door behind him, causing the entire machine to shake a few seconds.

As Natasha sat there in the passenger's seat, she watched as one person drove off and another drove in. She was trying to see if she could see a visible difference between the year 2000 and now. She could hear Boris already complaining about gas prices outside, and she herself found the price a bit unnerving. Though the first time they had gone to the real world, she could not recall the price of gas. Other than that she did not see a whole lot of difference. It was still the same busy traffic with same fast food restaurants, the same Wal-Mart and Target, the same video rentals, and gas stations. Not much seemed to have changed, though she really had not paid much attention last time she was here. She had been much too focused on Moose and Squirrel to take note in her surroundings — like a cat after a bird, nothing else had seemed to matter.

She did not care much about Moose and Squirrel now, again much like a cat when its prey isn't around. She watched with interest as a man came out of the store with two children who had wires sticking out of their ears and going into their pockets. iPods or something. She had never seen one except on those silhouetted advertisements on the internet. It made the children look a bit robotic in a way.

Her thoughts turned back to Fearless Leader and his plots for world domination. She wondered if she and Boris would ever have a part to play. It meant so much to Boris, and she had to admit that washing dishes and playing housemaid was not the most desirable thing for herself either, especially when the fact stood that when Fearless Leader was not looking, Boris was much too flustered to help her, and insisted she do his work while he stopped to think a bit.

_Poor dahlingk_, she thought to herself pityingly with a shake of her head. _He tries so hard._

If only they did not have to worry about all this.

It was about this time when she heard, through the slightly open windows of the car, music wafting to her ears from a convertible holding a pair of teenaged girls and a teenaged boy dressed up in very interesting attire. The boy and one of the girls went inside the store, but the other girl stayed in the car and turned her music up.

It was a song about longing. Longing to leave tonight when no one saw … but not alone — with someone else …

Natasha's eyes widened as new thoughts swam into her feminine mind. Maybe it was only that she was not used to such emotional stimulation but the words seemed to hit something inside of her that she only vaguely had known she had had. If only they did not have to bother with Fearless Leader or his plots. If only they did not have to think about Moose or Squirrel. Why couldn't they just go away and leave it all behind?

It was a song about dreaming, a song about escape with one loved …

She remembered only once having a feeling even similar to this. Ten years ago in the middle of nowhere at some nowhere airport. It was there she had been touched with such an inspiration, fleeting though it had been, of what life could be like without the cartoon, without having to worry about failing and scripts and stupid narrators, mock cold war situations, and especially Moose and Squirrel.

It made her shudder with emotion to think of her name upon a card reading: Natasha Badenov!

How could the other be convinced to come too?

_We could be happy._

Old life forgotten …

_Truly happy._

If only the other would come …

_Just the two of them._

Safe from the world …

_Free!_

It would be beautiful. They could run away and forget everything they had known before.

The other had to see it too. The song asked, entreated even, for the other to come for no one could hinder them.

She sighed distantly as she looked with such longing in Boris's direction. He was all the while yelling and kicking the gas pump (he did not understand the digital workings of it, that well), and jumping up and down in his frustration. He was so beautiful! Oh! How her heart pounded.

Her mind then took a plunge into a possible future. Wedded on a mountaintop in the Himalayas. They could have a honeymoon in Mexico and fry ants with magnifying glasses. They could go Greece and chisel their names in some ancient structure; they could catapult specialized water balloons at people in Yellowstone filled with hot water from the geysers.

A faint smile tugged at Natasha's face, as she thought of her plan in settling down with her beloved. With three or four children and a foggy backdrop of an icy sea. She was so lost in her thoughts that she did not even see Boris suddenly spin his head around and run for the car. He was even now yelling strange unintelligible things as he wrenched at the handle of the door and banged on the window to get Natasha's attention.

The two in the song would be gone, and no one would know where they went or how!

"Natasha!" cried Boris finally penetrating his partner's whimsical barrier.

"What did you say, Dahlingk?" asked Natasha hazily.

Anywhere …

"MOOSE! AND! SQUIRREL!"

Where they could love each other without worrying about—

(Abruptly ended record sound-effects added here)

Natasha blinked. "_What_?"

Instantly everything was forgotten, and as Natasha quickly opened the door for her partner in crime, Boris pushed his way into the driver's seat.

"Look!" he said, pointing excitedly across the street.

Natasha looked and indeed did see both Bullwinkle and Rocky walking stupidly down the street. They were looking about themselves in a way that bespoke great confusion and expectance.

"I thought Fearless Leader said they were trapped in hypocritical children's media company!" exclaimed Natasha in a hoarse whisper.

"They must'fe escaped somehow," replied Boris. He smiled knowingly. "But not to worry, Natasha. Is time to initiate Plan 1032!"

"What plan is that, dahlingk?" asked Natasha.

"Just moment. I'm workingk out details." He paused.

Natasha frowned as a sudden thought occurred to her. "Shouldn't we tell Fearless Leader?"

Boris gave her a very speedy look, not wanting to leave Moose and Squirrel out of his sight for more than a few seconds, but wanting to give his fellow spy a good grimace at the same time.

"What good would that do?" snapped Boris. "He wouldn't let us get them now."

"But what off car?" asked Natasha.

"Phooey to car!" Boris shouted in reply. "We bring Fearless Leader back Moose and Squirrel and it won't matter about car or lunches or cigarettes or nothingk, Natasha! I'll be back in business!" He rubbed his hands together eagerly. "I'm best spy in all Pottsylvania — whole world! And I'm the greatest liar, thief, double-crosser and then-some!" Here he started up the engine of the car. "I can put up with great many thingks, Natasha, but when my position in life is in danger of beingk demoted to 'servant boy', that's when thingks are goingk too far!"

"Right!" said Natasha with a nod of her head. "So what we do first?"

That eerily knowing smile returned as Boris watched Rocky and Bullwinkle disappear into a Pizza Hut, only now that smile was much worse; and the old Boris charm was seen well upon his continence.

"Is plan good, Boris?"

"Good! My ideas are always downright rotten," said Boris haughtily. "Now let's get to work!"


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

Rocky and Bullwinkle, who were pretty hungry by this time after trying all morning to find Agent Sympathy without an inkling of success, finally decided upon going to Pizza Hut for lunch and were now eagerly ordering pepperoni and olives with cheese in the crust and sodas – two cherry – they found themselves seated at a shiny black table near the window and relaxing to a pleasant lunch. A moment later however this lunch was interrupted by a boy from behind the counter who handed them a mysterious-looking envelope.

At first Rocky was a little hesitant to take it after what happened the last time they had taken such an envelope; but Bullwinkle was not in the least bit concerned as he exclaimed excitedly: "Hey! It's adressed to us!"

"What's it say?" asked Rocky.

"To Agents Moose and Squirrel," read Bullwinkle. He turned to Rocky. "Who do you suppose we're agenting for? Jim Carrey?"

"I don't think they mean those kinds of agents, Bullwinkle," replied Rocky. "Here, let me read it."

Bullwinkle handed the letter to his friend.

Opening the envelope it read something like this:

_From your friendly good guy goferment _(Goofernment?" Bullwinkle interjected. "Must be FBI code talk," suggested Rocky.)_ agency of US of A, FBI. We are sending 2 agents to help you find Fearless Leader: Agent Boristowski and Agent Shocker. Meet them outside restaurant in parking lot. They will be in red automobile. This message will now self destruct._

Both Rocky and Bullwinkle gasped. "Self destruct!"

Yes, self destruct!

"There's one of those echoes again," Bullwinkle muttered.

Then suddenly the message did in fact blow up all over their pizza so that by the time the smoke cleared there was cheese, bits of olive and pepperoni, and crust chunks everywhere; and they did not have to worry about their lunch for they were at that moment promptly made to leave the establishment for causing such a great commotion. They were also given a threatening warning that if they ever entered this Pizza Hut again, the police would be phoned.

"But we got the warning too late," Bullwinkle tried to explain.

The manager heard nothing of it, pushed the duo out the door and swung the door shut behind them – Pizza Hut doors don't really slam.

Once outside, Rocky instantly spotted the red vehicle so mentioned in the explosive document. Inside were two figures with dark sunglasses, and dark clothes, and had an overall appearance of the Men in Black in the movie by the same name, save that one was much too short and round of feature and the other was too tall sharp and feminine to be either of the main characters in that movie.

"Are you Agent Boristowski and Agent Shocker?" asked Rocky as he and Bullwinkle drew up to the automobile.

"Shhhh, darlingk," said the woman in a hushed tone.

"Get in car quick," whispered the man. "Someone may see you."

Both Rocky and Bullwinkle did as they were bidden, though Rocky was a bit hesitant.

"How come Agent Sympathy didn't come with us this time?" he wanted to know.

"She's busy with work in Texas about cow pie," retorted the man impatiently.

Once both Rocky and Bullwinkle were comfortably situated (Bullwinkle had some time adjusting his antlers – this adjusting included, hitting the windows several times, getting his head stuck in the area between the back window and the seat he was trying to sit in, knocking both agents in the head at least twice, and finally seating himself, while almost flinging Rocky back out of the car) – anyway, once they were situated Bullwinkle offered to close the door. To which everyone present gave a loud: "NO-O-O!"

"No, no, Agent Shocker will close door," said Agent Boristowski with an awkward laugh.

His partner quickly slammed the door shut.

"Well, okay," said Bullwinkle with shrug; and in a lower voice he said to Rocky: "I was only trying to help."

Rocky smiled comfortingly, but said nothing in reply.

"Now, is everyone all set?" asked Agent Boristowski turning round to face the unfortunate and (as usual) quite oblivious passengers in his possession.

"Yes, we are," said Rocky. "Where are we going?"

Boristowski laughed. "Don't you worry your fuzzy little squirrelly head. We're goingk someplace where we can discuss matters as they stand so far; and then we're goingk to help you stop Fearless Leader and all that sort of thingk."

"Are you sure you can do that?" asked Rocky.

"Can I do that?" asked Boristowski, wounded by the question.

"Can he do that?" repeated Shocker quite shocked.

"Do you even know who I am?" Boristowski asked.

Rocky studied the man in the driver's seat carefully. "Well," he said slowly, "you _do_ look sort of familiar, I suppose; but-"

"Allow me to introduce myself properly," offered the agent. He laughed in spite of himself. "You, you lucky kid, are in the presence of agent Chucky Boristowski-"

"He's a good chucker," said Shocker.

"And a good chuckler!" added Bullwinkle cheerfully.

Boristowski ignored these puns so horrible that they made the ones from the original show look good. "I am special secret agent with all knowledge of CIA in my head." Here he pointed to his cranium with a forefinger for emphasis.

"Central Intelligence Agency?" asked Rocky.

"No. Curious Information of the Absent-Minded. Is organization that keeps all knowledge everyone else forgets."

"Well, that should be helpful," said Bullwinkle. "I'm absent minded myself. Say, do you know whether I turned off the faucet in the bathtub before I left or not?"

"You don't say!" exclaimed Agent Boristowski as if he had not listened to a word that came out of the moose's mouth.

"Then is good thingk you have us here," said Shocker.

"Oh!" said Boristowski suddenly diverting his attention to his companion, "and this is Dara Shocker. My partner. She's experienced agent."

"Daring to shock every day, darlingk," said Shocker foxily.

Boristowski stared disapprovingly at Shocker a moment, and then turned to the little squirrel with a large exaggerated grin that was perhaps a little unnerving.

Ever polite, Rocky, although somewhat suspicious graciously told the agents how pleased he was to meet them; but just as he was about to say his and Bullwinkle's own names, Boristowski put a hand over his mouth. "Sh-h-h!" he hissed.

"Why, what's wrong?" asked Rocky once his mouth was free again.

"Your names are dangerous, spoken out loud," Boristowski explained.

Rocky squinted. "It's _that_ serious?"

"Fearless Leader's the bad guy, right?" said Bullwinkle.

"Of course, Fearless Leader is villain," said Boristowski, "and that's exactly why we have to be so careful. He is sendingk out spies even as we speak!" He glanced nonchalantly at his partner beside him. "Like Boris Badenov, for instance," he explained with a smile, "and he's a wily one, let me tell you, if we haf the likes off him on our tail."

"Okay, then tell us," Bullwinkle urged.

Boristowski smiled strangely, but said nothing to Bullwinkle's request. Instead he ordered the two passengers to buckle up – just because they were secret agents did not mean they did not have to have safety precautions. Bullwinkle and Rocky failed to notice that neither Shocker nor Boristowski had on theirs. Of course they failed to see entirely that the agents were really no American secret agents at all, but were really-

"Hey!" exclaimed Boristowski, "remember that pistol I warned about?"

Yes.

"Then no give aways."

It's eerie having the characters threaten you when you are trying to tell a story.

"I have that trouble all the time," said Bullwinkle sympathetically.

Well, anyway, the car pulled out of the Pizza Hut parking lot and out onto the road, almost hitting a pedestrian before entirely immersed in the traffic. There was perhaps a single moment of silence. Rocky was trying fruitlessly to figure out where he had seen the agents before. Agent Boristowski (who was really Boris Badenov in disguise) was contemplating how richly he would was going to be rewarded for the capture of Moose and Squirrel. Agent Shocker (who was none other than Natasha Fatale, also in disguise) was wondering where they had gotten the disguises so fast when they weren't even in cartoon world. And Bullwinkle . . . well, Bullwinkle was not thinking much of anything as there was not much between his antlers except helium anyway. That is, he was not thinking much until by chance he happened to see a girl walking right out into the middle of the street right in front of the car; and Boristowski (which we shall continue to call him for the time being) did not seem to see her in the midst of his contemplations and was about to run right into her.

"Stop the car!" Bullwinkle gasped.

The car screeched to halt; and had it been just a split second later, the poor girl would have been hit severely. However she did get a slight bump which caused her to fall backwards into the street. Instantly everyone (the agents included) got out of the car to see what had happened and to see if the girl was alright.

"Are you okay!" cried Rocky instantly jumping to the girl's aid.

The girl moaned and lifted her head. "Yeah . . . I-I think so." However when she opened her eyes she was not quite certain as she came face to face with a computer animated image of an anthromorphic squirrel – and she was not even aware of the original Rocky and Bullwinkle movie (or the show itself) so you can imagine the shock.

"Y-you're a squirrel!" exclaimed the girl.

"And you're a girl!" exclaimed the moose.

"Hey, is there anywhere we can drop you off, maybe?" asked Rocky trying to be helpful, and still feeling awful that they might have seriously hit the poor girl. "We're real sorry about what happened. If there's _anything_ we can-"

It was just then that Boristowski appeared on the scene with Shocker not too far behind – they had been watching from the sidelines before this moment.

"Oh, you poor thingk!" exclaimed Boristowski, shoving Rocky rudely out of the way, and pulling the girl into an upright position much to her immense surprise and displeasure. He then proceeded to brush her off as he continued: "You can't imagine how badly I would haf been screamingk if you'd been hurt any. Here! Here's some bandages. Here's cookie! Better get off road or someone might hit you again!" He nudged her off in the appropriate direction. "Bye, bye now! Take care! We're in huge hurry; sorry we couldn't chat more. Good bye!"

The girl blinked and stood there in the road, still quite stupefied.

"We can't just send her off," said Rocky indignantly. "She could be hurt. We should take her home."

"Well, I . . ." began the girl shyly.

Boristowski glared dangerously, but only for a fraction of a second before he regained himself. Now his death-like look was replaced with a most oily revolting smile. "Of course, Squirrel," he said. "What was I thinkingk? Poor girl must be brought home straight a-way. You want to go home. Right, little girl?"

"Y-yes," said the girl.

"Then why don't you come on in!" exclaimed Boristowski, leading the child back towards the vehicle.

"Actually, I can walk home," said the girl.

"Nonsense!" the agent cried. "I insist! Let's just everyone get back in car so we can be on our way!"

As Rocky and Bullwinkle helped the girl to a seat by the window, Shocker pulled Boristowski aside.

"Boris, dahlingk," she said. "Why we bringk girl with?"

"We don't want Moose and Squirrel to think badly of us," Boristowski/Boris replied in an annoyed whisper. "They may not want our help if we don't. It be fine. We just take her home – is probably what? Couple blocks a-way? I'm Boris Badenov! Remember 'power of a schnook'. I know what I'm doingk, Natasha. Get back in car; and no more questions while Moose and Squirrel and girl are with us."


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

So the girl, whose name turned out to be Nikki Vance, told the others exactly where to find her home; and it was, as Boris hoped, hardly more than three blocks away from where they had picked her up. He stopped so abruptly in front of the house so pointed out by young Nikki that everyone almost ran into whatever was in front of them with a great lurch forward.

"Okay," said Boristowski cheerfully as he turned back to see how the passengers were faring. "Here's stop! Bye, bye, little girl." He waved an exaggerated hand in farewell.

Nikki was slightly hesitant, but before she made a reply Rocky, determined to lighten the situation and show the child that they were not rude people, opened the door for her and helped went with her up the walk.

"Come on, Nikki," said Rocky walking beside her.

"Wait!" gulped Boristowski, and was about to leap after him, but Shocker held him back.

"I really am sorry about what happened."

"Yeah," agreed Bullwinkle, who was stepping out himself after the girl and the squirrel. "We'll explain it to your parents and make up for it in any way we can."

Rocky nodded, though he felt it only fit to add that they were in a bit of hurry at the moment but they would be back as soon as everything was over.

Boristowski meanwhile had slumped very deep in his seat, with his arms crossed tightly over his chest and face distorted with a most childlike scowling sulk. Thinking all the while that they might have been back at Fearless Leader's hideout by this time if it had not been for this stupid incident, he felt inclined to grind his teeth behind his pouting lips. Things took so long in the real world; Boris, who was so used to five to ten minute situations at a time, still could not stand these half hour detours even after ten years in the internet.

"Boris, dahlingk?" whispered Shocker.

Boristowski shot Shocker a cold glare, but said nothing, instead choosing to watch his captives take the girl up to the front door of the pink little suburban house.

"Thank you," the girl murmured to Rocky as she reached for the doorbell.

"Well, I'm only sorry it happened," Rocky said.

"Yeah, you should really learn to look before you cross," admonished Bullwinkle.

Nikki lowered her head full of shame.

"Hey, hey, don't feel bad, Nikki," said Rocky comfortingly.

(Boristowski pulled out his watch. "C'mon, c'mon," he muttered. "You no good squirrel. Hurry it up!")

Bullwinkle scratched his head and reached to ring the doorbell a second time. "Hmm" he said. "Shouldn't someone have come to the door by now?"

Nikki choked. "Oh, no!" she gasped.

"What! What's wrong?" exclaimed Rocky.

"Yeah, the dogs break loose!'

Nikki bit her lip, staring straight at the door. "They left without me!" she said.

"What do you mean?" asked Rocky.

"We were going to visit my cousins in Wisconsin," said Nikki. "I was just going to see Ella one more time; and now . . ."

"When will they be back?" asked Rocky.

"In a week!"

"Well, you can just stay home and wait for them to come back," suggested Bullwinkle. "It hasn't been that long."

Boris had a felt a strong urge right then and there to blow up the whole yard with fifty pounds worth of dynamite.

"Let's just go, Boris," said Natasha.

"No," growled Boris in return. "Natasha, hand me my pistol!"

Just then the door of the house opened abruptly and a boy answered the door, a little younger than Nikki.

"Brian!" exclaimed Nikki.

Brian just stared at Rocky and Bullwinkle.

"Hi," said Bullwinkle. "Did you guys leave for Wisconsin yet?"

Brian continued to stare.

"Where's Mom and Dad?" asked Nikki.

Boris held up his weapon and aimed it right between the antlers of Bullwinkle's head.

"What about your plan, Boris?" Natasha whispered.

"Plan B," retorted Boris firmly. "Kill miserable Moose and Squirrel and bring them back to Fearless Leader dead."

For a moment Natasha thought exactly what that would mean to her and her partner if Rocky and Bullwinkle were actually gone for good; and then she found herself wondering if the pistol in Boris's hand was even loaded.

_Clink. Clink._

"Raskolnikov!"

"They're packing," was all Brian said.

Nikki lit up instantly and ran into the house. "Bye!" she called, pulling Brian in with her.

"Bye, Nikki!" said Rocky.

"Take care!" added Bullwinkle.

The door was then shut.

Bullwinkle turned to his little companion. "Say, Rock, she was a nice girl," he said.

Rocky nodded. "Yeah, she was."

"When we stop the bad guys, we should stop by again!"

"Yeah."

"And bring a cake that says: 'To our special friend'."

"Yeah, that would be nice."

"And give her a pony for her birthday."

"Well, we shouldn't go _that_ far," said Rocky.

"Maybe a glow in the dark yo-yo then."

Rocky nodded.

Suddenly there was a loud honking that interrupted any further conversation.

"Okay, Moose! Okay, Squirrel!" called the friendly voice of Boristowski. "Is time to go now! We want to catch up with Fearless Leader sometime before next Twinkie expiration date!" He was pointing most emphatically to his watch as the pair turned towards the vehicle.

"Oh, right! The plot!" exclaimed Rocky.

Bullwinkle nodded. "The plot, that's right! This plot should be redone immediately! Just look at those hedges!" He motioned to a row a very unsightly shrubbery.

"Oh, boy," said Rocky.

"You said it!" agreed Boristowski.

Thus without further delay everyone back on the road and heading towards Fearless Leaders secret underground lair. Little did our heroes know, of course, that although Boristowski did indeed plan to do exactly as he promised, going to Fearless Leader in the hands of their driver was the least thing they would not. One could only guess what horrible fate awaited them when the destination was finally reached!

"Did someone just write something about a 'horrible fate'?" gasped Bullwinkle.

Boristowski and Shocker laughed. "No, you silly Moose," said Boristowski pleasantly, "she write 'horrible _wait_'. Just think what'll happen if we haf to drive through rush hour!"

"Hmm, she has a point," mused Bullwinkle. "Then step on it, man!"

Uh . . . Okay . . .

"Whatefer you say!" said Boristowski, happy to oblige. He floored it.

"Ah!" cried Rocky.

Just barely missing cars, skimming fire hydrants, pedestrians shaking fists, and everything that went all with speeding was soon to follow; except for some reason the police did not show up. Inside the vehicle everyone was trounced about like popcorn in a popper. Only Boristowski did not seem to mind; in fact he was rather enjoying himself. It had been so long since Boris Badenov had done so much unpleasantness to someone else. Now with the pedestrians yelling, Rocky begging for Borisitowski to slow down, Bullwinkle getting his antlers stuck in the back again, and Natasha clinging to Boris's shoulders after reaching across for him from the passenger's side.

"Boris, stop!" she cried when she finally found her voice.

"Boris?" exclaimed Rocky.

_Oh, boy!_ thought Boris.

The car screeched to an instant halt right in front of crosswalk where a little old lady was just crossing the street.

The little old lady smiled warmly and waved before making her way across.

Boris made a face, but was too busy with the situation at hand to think to deeply about this excruciatingly humiliating event.

"We _have_ seen you before, haven't we?" demanded Rocky. "You're not secret agents at all, are you!"

"Yeah," said Bullwinkle getting his antlers unstuck again. "You're just here to trick us!"

Boris bit his lip. This was usually his cue to either do something incredibly violent or make a break for it. Somehow however, Boris felt the urge to deviate from this routine. He did not feel like, nor did he have time to waste on, running off and thinking of a new disguise to trap them again.

"Of course, we're secret agents," said Boris lightly, leaning casually upon the wheel. "If I were evil rotten bad guy, would I have let little old lady cross street?" He beamed triumphantly in Natasha's direction.

Natasha did not look as confident.

"Well, I guess not . . ." said Rocky slowly, "but then why were you speeding? You almost hit several people!"

"I was – uh – well, I'm expert driver," explained Boris quickly. "I knew exactly what I was doingk, and I knew I wouldn't hit no one."

"Sorry, then, but still I don't like it," said Rocky.

"You were really annoyed?" asked Boris, most pleased to hear this. "Alright then, no more speeding. Double cross my heart." He traced an 'X' twice over the area of his chest where one may suppose his mean little heart would be.

"Well, once is enough," Bullwinkle assured him.

"But I insist," said Boris. "No hard feelings." Stretching forth his hand towards his enemies.

"Okay," Bullwinkle and Rocky agreed.

"No hard feelings, Agent Boristowski!" said Bullwinkle taking Boris's hand and giving it a good shake.

Boris could not refrain from his instinctive withdrawal of his hand; and as he pushed down upon the gas pedal again he rubbed his hand on his secret agent suit jacket. However his friendly demeanor was not lost upon the rest of his continents and he continued talking cheerfully to his passengers for a time.

Natasha, however took great note in Boris's recoil, and found it very strange. Boris Badenov in the Rocky and Bullwinkle show did not refrain from anything, did not flinch at the most despicable activity, especially not the shaking of hands while in disguise to keep a facade going. She frowned. She kept the observation to herself, thinking that perhaps this was merely only because of how long it had been since either she or Boris had seen Moose and Squirrel. Maybe it had not all come back to them as instantly as they had hoped.

Anyway, they made their way again toward Fearless Leader's hideout with nothing worth mentioning as far as conversation goes, until of course somebody had to stop at the ice-cream stand for an ice cream Sunday.

"Bullwinkle!" exclaimed Rocky, "This is no time for a snack!"

"But, Rock, I can't work on an empty stomach," said Bullwinkle after making his order. "We didn't even get to eat our pizza."

However Boris felt this was a good opportunity to call Fearless Leader and tell him the good news about his having Moose and Squirrel in his possession. Boristowski encouraged Rocky to order something to, while he went to use the restroom at the book store across the street. He then promptly left the captives in the somewhat capable hands of Agent Shocker/Natasha.

"I can only take so much stupid Moose at one time, anyway," he said to himself in a short bout of self pity. "Ten minutes at a time in show is hard enough! Whole hours on end is just gettingk to be too much."


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

The first thing Boris did when he slipped into the book store restroom was to lock the door as quickly as he could. He turned round and took at the scene about him, which was not what he had expected. It was not really a public bathroom but just an old rusty toilet, a disgusting looking sink, and a smudged-up mirror. The place also smelled like old pipes and toilet with a faint trace of lemony air freshener that did little good in hiding the more powerful odors. As he lifted his eyes upward, he also noticed that the ceiling looked rather stained as well.

_Sorta like home_, Boris thought pleasantly after he had his fill of admiring interior design. Except that there were no bathrooms in Pottsylvania as cartoon characters have no need to go – at least not in older cartoons. They didn't even eat a whole lot in the Rocky and Bullwinkle show.

Anyway, situating himself upon the toilet cover and putting his old black fedora on his head for formality's sake, he took his communicator out of his disguise secret agent suit jacket and proceeded to call his "respected" superior.

There was a delayed moment or two before any reply came, and Boris found himself wondering how much time was really wasted with such "moment-or-two's"; whole episodes could fill up such time when added up, certainly. Then suddenly before him appeared in his communicator, Fearless Leader's face in full color and detailed to the utmost degree, and by the look on his face it was obvious that a few moments more before having to see it would not have been that bad.

"Fearless Leader, old buddy boy!" exclaimed Boris, a huge idiotic grin plastered all over his face.

"Boris Badenov, you nincompoop!"

Boris' face instantly fell, though he was not in the le last bit surprised by this greeting.

"Where have you been?" demanded Fearless Leader. "Why have you not brought the car back to the secret base? What are you doing? Do you want me to have you liquidated? Have you forgotten that I am not someone to be tested?"

"Which question first?" asked Boris regaining a hint of cheerfulness and shrugging nonchalantly.

"ALL OF THEM!" snapped Fearless Leader.

Boris chuckled nervously. "Well, see, Fearless Leader, that's what I was callingk you about. And you are never goingk to guess what I haf in car." He sang that last phrase in an enticingly teasing sort of way.

"Stop, this idiocy now!" commanded Fearless Leader. "Or you'll be lucky to be executed quickly rather than put through torture first."

Boris gulped and shrunk back involuntarily. "Is Moose and Squirrel!" he cried.

"Moose 'nd Squirrel are back in the Hypocritical Children's Media Studio, don't waste my time, nor try my intelligence!"

"No! No! Really! Fearless Leader, listen!" Boris begged, really not liking the idea of being dragged back to the secret base and tortured. He leapt off the toilet and unlocked the door.

"Badenov!" snarled Fearless Leader. "What are you doing?"

Instead of answering, he ran as fast as he could through the bookstore (practically knocking a whole rack of magazines onto the floor) and out the other side where he thrust his communicator into the direction of Rocky, Bullwinkle, and Natasha dressed as Agent Shocker.

"Moose and Squirrel!" Boris insisted, as a guy with a loose Vikings footbal jacket walked past, eyeing Boris strangely and avoiding being in close proximity before entering the hardware store right next to the bookstore. Boris shook the communicator roughly.

"Hold it still!" demanded Fearless Leader. "Let me see."

Boris did this and as Fearless Leader took in the sweet little scene of Rocky and Bullwinkle with ice cream treats and Natasha not far off pretending to be interested in what they were saying, he was sickened.

"Badenov!" he snapped. "What did you do?"

Instantly Boris remembered about cover and looked about him at the pedestrians eyeing him suspiciously – actually they were just looking at him like he was some kind of kook, but it did not really matter. He slunk through a narrow space between the book and hardware stores and walked along it through the broken glass and cigarette butts until he made it to the alley where the impatient Fearless Leader repeated his question.

"I did nothingk!" snapped Boris, hunkered down behind a dumpster. "I did whut any self-respecting spy of Pottsylvania would do, Fearless Leader! I lied, cheated, and broke a lot of American laws, tha's what!"

Fearless Leader smiled. That was always worse than his scowl. "Oh!" he said. "So filling up the car was too much for you, eh, Badenov?"

"I saw Moose and Squirrel wanderingk around all stupid, Fearless Leader; what else was I supposed to do? Besides I fill up car too! And you haf Moose and Squirrel as extra bonus!"

"I don't want Moose or Squirrel!" snapped Fearless Leader.

Boris frowned. "Well, neither do I, Fearless Leader; that's the idea! I gif 'em to you. You get rid off 'em again, right?"

"No, Badenov."

"Oh, so I just kill them both now!" exclaimed Boris excitedly. He was already pulling a deadly weapon from out some pocket.

"You idiot!" shouted Fearless Leader. "I don't want them at all. That's why I put them where they could never bother us again! Capturing them and bringing them here will only get them involved. They'll ruin everything! We might as well just hand everything over to them right now!"

"Fearless Leader!" said Boris admonishingly, "how can you say that? Is only-"

"I want you to shut up! The answer is 'no', Badenov! I want you back here, _now_! Without Moose and Squirrel! I-"

Suddenly Fearless Leader's ranting ceased and the vile villain's eyes narrowed strangely as a sudden thought occurred to him. Boris held his breath as he waited to hear what revelation his superior had, and hoped it was something in his favor. He clasped his hands together around his communicator with great anticipation.

Another smile appeared on Fearless Leader's face, except this time it was slower and scarier and gave the author the shivers – oh, and Boris too, I wouldn't wonder.

"On second thought . . ." said Fearless Leader carefully.

Boris felt a bit uneasy, but he perked up in spite of himself.

"On second thought, Badenov, bring them here."

"Really, Fearless Leader?" asked Boris stepping forward a few paces as if he were closing a gap between himself and his leader.

"Sure," his superior said with a nod. "After all, why not take advantage of the fact that you have them now in your possession."

Boris's ill ease dissipated quickly, knowing now that Fearless Leader's sinister scheming face was meant for the enemy and not for him.

"Yes! We _smash_ Moose ; we _squash_ Squirrel!" At "smash" he clasp one hand hard against his communicator and at "squash" he stamped his foot passionately upon the broken-up blacktop, squishing an imaginary victim into the ground.

Fearless Leader let out a slight laugh.

"They'll be gone forever!" said Boris. "Kaput!" He now laughed himself. "After all, we ain't in cartoon, like I said!"

"Once you get here, Badenov, our troubles will be over," Fearless Leader said to the little man for reassurance and to keep him from talking more – Boris who was too excited to notice I called him "little".

"Yes, Fearless Leader! Yes!" Boris cried.

"Tomorrow though."

"Yes, Fearless Lea-uh! What?" Boris was confused. "Why tomorrow? What am I s'posed to do with them until then?"

"I need to get things prepared for your arrival," Fearless Leader explained. "Also, I've other pressing matters at hand. Remember, I'm taking over the world and all that."

"I'll keep in touch," Boris promised.

"Just make sure you're here _early_ tomorrow."

"As early as morning executions in Pottsylvania, Fearless Leader!" Boris promised.

But Fearless Leader was already gone.

Boris shrugged. It was just as well.

Thus taking off his signature hat, Boris slipped back to Natasha and his oblivious prisoners. However, when he got to the bench where he had left them, only Natasha could be seen.

"W-w-" Boris stuttered in disbelief.

Natasha looked up; confusion littering her face.

"Where is Moose and Squirrel? You stupid girl!" snarled Boris, absolutely red with rage.

"It's not nice to call people names, y'know."

All previous color vanished from Boris's face, and his dark eyes grew into tennis balls in their eye sockets. Spinning round, he almost fell over on the spot upon seeing Moose and Squirrel behind him. His eyes narrowed.

"Where you been?" he demanded. "Don't you know you can't go runningk off?"

"We didn't mean to scare you, Agent Boristowski," said Rocky.

Boris laughed. "Who's scared? Silly, Squirrel. We're wasting time. Get in car."

"Oh, and we got you an ice cream soda," said Bullwinkle.

"Oh, you shouldn't haf," exclaimed Boris with false gratitude that even the simplest nincompoop could have detected. He unwillingly took the Styrofoam cup that was offered to him; afterwards he pushed the 60's cartoon type heroes as quickly as he could into the automobile and dragged Natasha to the passenger seat, right after disposing of his ice cream in the nearest waste reciprocal.

"You really shouldn't haf," muttered Boris as he climbed into the front seat of the car. His mind all the while, as he started up the car and began to drive away, was going over all the sinister things he could do to Moose and Squirrel if he was not to bring them to Fearless Leader alive tomorrow. He could poison their ice creams, though that was such a simple mode of annihilation. He could say he had to go the bathroom on the side of a very large hill, get out of the car and let it roll down, miss the turn, and crash into a huge slab of glacial waste of mounded rock and dirt that was so common in these parts. The four of them could stay at a motel and Boris could sabotage the room of Moose and Squirrel with a series of booby traps to get them in the middle of the night. He could lead them to a brewery and drown them in a vat of beer after pushing them over some safety bar or other. He could give each a pair of remote control shoes and make them walk right off a cliff. He could-

"Boris darlingk," whispered Natasha. "What did Fearless Leader say?"

"Not now," Boris hissed back. "We stop at hotel later; then we talk."

"Hotel?" asked Natasha.

Boris cleared his throat. "Moose, Squirrel," he said in a sickeningly friendly voice. "There's been change of plans. Spies- eh, I mean agents, other CIA members, have informed us that Fearless Leader is missingk. We'll have to spend night here until further orders."

"Do you think Karen Sympathy will be able to help us?" asked Rocky.

"No, Squirrel, she's in Texas, remember?"

"But we were told that Agent Sympathy would meet us. Why isn't she here?" Rocky wanted to know.

"We'll meet her later, darlingk," said Natasha quickly.

Boris nodded. "Yes! Tomorrow she will help us catch Fearless Leader. That's who I was talkingk to, of course."

"Did you say 'hi' for us and ask her how her relationship with Ole's going?" asked Bullwinkle.

"They broke up," explained Boris with a grin. "Ole wanted to move to Alexandria, Minnesota and Karen don't like Midwestern touristy atmosphere."

"Aw, that's awful," said Rocky.

Boris could not resist a laugh. "Isn't it though? I just love it when relationships go wrongk over petty thingks!"

Rocky and Bullwinkle looked at each other with a little uncertainty, but they soon forgot about it as Bullwinkle said with much perplexity, "What's wrong with Minnesota?"


End file.
